Time flies too fast. It's been almost a year I have stayed in Jordan. Too many to grab. Too many to learn. But, I realize that I haven't learn so many yet. Hoping that the past time wasn't full only for 'duniawi' thing. And I'm so grateful to be here and met with someone who has guided me to the right path. It's hard for me to accept it for the first time. Always repelling it, escaping from the one who tried to reach me. It's not again my 'fitrah' but it against my 'nafsu'. But when Allah have give me the chance, even I actually do not remember the exact time getting into this. Happy to be a part of this. And insyaAllah being a part of the rising of Islam.
The happy feeling is not everything. I feel the real thing then. It's hard. Yes, really hard! It's not easy changing for a better. Maybe easy to say but hard to work for it. However, I know that this part can't be skipped because it will make a big hole in the future if I try to skip it. I can fall into it anytime. So, I started to be a better person later on. I don't know why is it so hard for me. I felt jealous with others that have changed a lot just after they joined Tarbiyah. For a short time. It's awesome and amazing. Compare to me, the difference is too big.
Every single day, I try to be better than yesterday. Simple to be said. Yet, sometimes, I failed. Frustrated with myself. Give up? I had go through it many times. Alhamdulillah, I passed it successfully. Always having my "life-preservers". That's why, I thank Allah so much for giving me true friends around. They always saved me from drowning in the ocean of obstacles. Aqidah tied us. I really hope that this relationship will be forever till Jannah. InsyaAllah.
This true short story is about me. I am pretty sure that others who have joined and will be joining Tarbiyah have different kind of stories. Allah has many ways to give His 'hidayah'. Until now, I still feel the same way. Hard. Full of barriers. 'Nafsu' and 'syaitan'. These things will never going to the end. But, put trust in Allah. Never lose hope. You will find that this path is sweeter than you can ever imagine. And the important is, the reward in 'akhirat'. InsyaAllah. It's Allah's promise.
O' Allah, let me be strong until the last of my breath. Let me be the one who put my efforts as much as I am able to, for the sake of Allah and Islam.