Friday, 22 November 2013

I Want To Be Able To Breathe Again

"When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. There is no act more wretched than stealing." [The Kite Runner] At this point, I really don't know what actually happen to me.
But I do believe, telling lies or cheating doesn't make me happy at all.
Before this, I was cheating. A lot.
Towards myself.

For what?
To comfort others.
Yes. Absolutely.

Then I realize, I was happy outside, but not inside.
I was struggling with my heart and emotions.
And of course, sometimes, I felt the burden.
I cried all the time when I was alone.
Because I was holding it all by myself.
Sure, I'm not that strong.

One day, 
I took all my courages,
to let it out.
To tell the truth.
Even I know, I'll make others sad.

Maybe, they hate me.
After I told them the truth.

"Strangely, I was glad that someone knew me for who I really was; I was tired of pretending."

"I wanted that, to move on, to forget, to start with a clean slate. I wanted to be able to breathe again."

That's what I want.
And now, I feel free.
But to be honest, I still think about the others.
It just me.
Worrying much, and trying to be as good as I can to make others satisfy.
To make them happy.
"But I would stand my ground, I decided."

I already make the huge step.
And I promise myself that I'll never hide anything again. I'll never cheat on myself again.

I know it is wrong, but I just don’t belong in their eyes, in the sun No I just don’t belong